it is there
here is the open code though
<?php
/*
* homer.php - A Social Module
*
* Developed by MysterF aka Floryn from Band of Brothers - CROM
*
*/
/*
Add a "_" at the beginning of the file (_homer.php) if you do not want it to be loaded.
*/
$homer = new Homer($bot);
/*
The Class itself...
*/
class Homer Extends BaseActiveModule
{
var $bot;
var $homer;
var $returnstr;
/*
Constructor:
Hands over a referance to the "Bot" class.
*/
function __construct (&$bot)
{
parent::__construct(&$bot, get_class($this));
$this -> register_command("all", "homer", "MEMBER");
$this -> help['description'] = "Shows information about Homer module.";
$this -> help['command']['homer']="use !homer to generate a random Homer quote";
}
function command_handler($name, $msg, $origin)
{
$output = "";
if (preg_match("/^homer$/i", $msg, $info))
{
$output = $this -> get_homer($name);
}
return $output;
}
/*
This gets called on a msg in the guildchat with the command
*/
function irc($name, $msg)
{
$returnstr = $this -> get_homer($name);
$this -> bot -> send_gc($returnstr);
$this -> bot -> send_irc("", "", "3" . $returnstr);
}
/*
Build response
*/
function get_homer($name)
{
$homer = array(
"Lisa, the mob's working on getting your saxophone back, but we've also expanded into other important areas ... World domination.",
"Lord help me, I'm just not that bright.",
"Lurlee your song touched me in so many ways ... and which way to the can?",
"Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy's boat!",
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.",
"Marge, please. Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.",
"Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!",
"Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.",
"Marge, would you please tell Bart that I would just like to drink a glass of syrup like I do every morning?",
"Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman -- and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.",
"Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?",
"Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2 PERCENT, and it's all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come.",
"No jokes, no taunting. That kid's got bosoms! Somebody get me a wet towel!",
"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American Way.",
"Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours.",
"Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may outsmart someone!",
"Oh look at me !!! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from happy land, with a gumdrop house on lollipop lane! Oh by the way ... I was being sarcastic.",
"Operator! Give me the number for 911!",
"Oh, so they have internet on computers now!",
"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like
love!",
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.",
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.",
"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.",
"Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.",
"Maybe, just once, someone will call me Sir without adding, You're making a scene.",
"Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.",
"Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?",
"You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.",
"Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.",
"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!",
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.",
"I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!",
"[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!",
"What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.",
"Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.",
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.",
"The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!",
"When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.",
"I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!",
"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.",
"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?",
"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.",
"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.",
"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.",
"I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.",
"Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.",
"Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.",
"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.",
"How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?",
"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.",
"Homer no function beer well without.",
"I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is and it's me.",
"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?",
"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.",
"I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.",
"I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.",
"Looking at a globe map
country being Uruguay] Hee hee! Look at this country! You-are-gay.",
"All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.",
"Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.",
"But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.",
"I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.",
"Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal.",
"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!",
"Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.",
"If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing",
"I'm in no condition to drive
wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!",
"When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always want'n more ... more ... MORE! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return.",
"To Start Press Any Key. Where's the ANY key?",
"You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. [cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.",
"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.",
"Bart! With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like ... love!",
"If you really need money, you can sell your kidney or even your car.",
"Bart : Dad, I've got some bad news. Homer : Your mother's not pregnant, is she?",
"The sun? That's the hottest place on Earth.",
"Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will.",
"All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.",
"All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.",
"America's health care system is second only to Japan ... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain ... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!",
"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.",
"Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever ... thy will be done. (munch munch munch)",
"The girls of the internet. Ooh, I'd go online with them anyday! ( Looking at a -nudie deck- )",
"If he is so smart, how come he is dead?",
"This kid's a wonder!. He organized all the law suits against me into one class action suit.",
"I have to work overtime at work instead of spending time with my wife and kids, which is what I want.",
"Aaw! it's so hard to get to 500 words ( Homer, the food critic ).",
"The food was not undelicious.",
"I'll tell people what to think. Now you tell me what to think.",
"I hope you cut me better than you cut these string beans.",
"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?",
"Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.",
"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.",
"Lord, I know I shouldn't eat Thee, but ... (munch munch munch) mmm ... sacrelicious.",
"Awww, 20 dollars?!? I wanted a peanut.",
"I don't apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that's the way I am.",
"If it doesn't have siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.",
"WHO IS FONZY!?! Don't they teach you anything at school?",
"It's twice the work of a deadbeat dad. ( about spending a saturday with kids ).",
"God cannot be EVERYWHERE, right? ( Homer as Adam in a dream ).",
"Screw that squeaky stuff. I want some hard antacid for my kid.",
"What's keeping Joan Rivers alive?",
"Ooh! sensory depravation kicks ass!",
"Oh! look at that car burn! Does it get any better than this?",
"Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!",
"Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!",
"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.",
"Marge, can we go home? All this fresh air is making my hair move and I don't know how long I can complain.",
"Black, marbelized with a liquid center. The Stealth Bowler. The pins don't know what hit 'em.",
"Dear Homer, IOU one emergency donut. Signed Homer. Bastard! He's always one step ahead.",
"To be loved, you have to be nice to others EVERYDAY!. To be hated, you don't have to do squat. ( advice to Mr.Burns ).",
"Do I know what rhetorical means?",
"Do you want to change your name to Homer, Jr.?",
"The kids can call you Hoju!",
"Does whisky count as beer?",
"Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.",
"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers.",
"Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities : John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin.",
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?",
"Are you sure you're an accredited and honored pornographer?",
"I can't believe that someone I've never heard of wants to hang out with a guy like me.",
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!",
"First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind.",
"God bless those pagans.",
"Ah! I was voted most likely to be a mental patient or a hillbilly or a chimpanzee. ( Homer, the Outsider Artist )",
"Stupid ice. I always knew I'll get stuck in something.",
"I get weary in this sexually suggestive dancing.",
"Marge, I think I'll remember my own LIFE!",
"Marge, your paintings look like the things they look like.",
"What is a wedding? Webster's Dictionary defines a wedding as -The process of removing weeds from one's garden.-( giving a lecture on marriage ).",
"Good drink ... good meat ... good God, let's eat!",
"Ha ha! Look at this country! You are gay!? Ha ha!",
"Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!",
"Here's to alcohol : The cause of ... and answer to all of life's problems.",
"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t ... I mean s-m-A-r-t.",
"I bet Einstein turned himself into all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.",
"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!",
"I don't want to go, so if he asks me to go, I'll just say, -Yes!-",
"I guess you might say he barking up the wrong ... bush.",
"I hope I didn't brain my damage.",
"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight.",
"I know you can read my thoughts, boy : Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow.",
"I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, the Bus That couldn't Slow Down.",
" I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.",
"I wonder where Bart is, his dinner's getting all cold ...... and eaten.",
"I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnidght.",
"If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.",
"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!",
"If this were really a nuclear war we'd all be dead meat by now.",
"I'll handle this ... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes ... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty ... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!",
"I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.",
"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES.",
"I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!",
"I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!",
"I'm just a technical supervisor who cared too much.",
"I'm no supervising technician, I'm a technical supervisor.",
"In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women!",
"It may be on a lousy channel, but the Simpsons are on TV!",
"It's a good thing that beer wasn't shaken up any more, or I'd have looked quite the fool. An April fool, as it were.",
"It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.",
"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.",
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!",
"Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers.",
"Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!",
"Homer : I can't fake an interest in this, and I'm an expert at faking an interest in your kooky projects. Marge : What kooky projects? Homer : You know, the painting class, the first aid course, the whole Lamaze thing.",
"I hate all the programs Marge likes, but it's no big deal. You know why? Whenever Marge turns on one of her -non-violent- programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for looooove.",
"To Start Press Any Key. Where's the ANY key?",
);
// You can add more possible responses to the array above.
$dmg = rand(100,999);
$creds = rand(10000,9999999);
$returnstr = $homer[rand(0,sizeof($homer)-1)];
$returnstr = str_replace("*name*",$name,$returnstr);
$returnstr = str_replace("*dmg*",$dmg,$returnstr);
$returnstr = str_replace("*creds*",$dmg,$returnstr);
return $returnstr;
}
}
?>
the !sex one is also ready, but didn't had time to post it.
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